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Questions vs Statements: How to stop being the interrogator in a conversation?


Have you ever had the feeling of being an interrogator/interviewer rather than being a part of the conversation? Asking questions is unavoidable to get the conversation rolling but once it is rolling, you should make them very few and as distant as possible. But today I will teach you a powerful technique of conversation which will not only make your conversation more interesting but also more friendly, unlike the ones where you sound like an interviewer.

The Approach:


When you see friends talking, you know they talk in statements than questions. The main idea here is to talk in statements rather than questions. Questions are a way of asking people information, but statements are a way of giving information, having deep conversations and building relations. The technique that I will talk about today is called the “Cold Reading Technique” where you make a statement about the person pretending that you intuitively know it without actually knowing it. What we do here is that rather than asking a question, we assume its answer and say it. Most psychic readers and astrologists use this technique of cold reading where they just put forth general statements that could apply to anyone(Are you being manipulated to believe in Astrology? ).

For example, rather than asking “How many siblings do you have?”, you say “You seem quite assertive, I guess you are the eldest of your siblings”. This is much better since what people like more than talking about themselves is listening about themselves.

People are generally worried that if their guess comes out wrong they will look foolish but that is not the case. There could only be three possibilities with your cold reads.

1.    Your guess was wrong, and he/she will correct you and won’t talk about it after that.

2.    Your guess was wrong, he/she corrects you and asks you what made you think of them like that. Lo and behold, you have just started a topic of conversation without sounding like an interviewer, you could steer the conversation accordingly from here.

3.    Your guess was right, and he/she is startled by the fact that you are a good observer and might ask what else do you think about them?

See? You cannot go wrong with cold reading and would sound much more interesting when you will make statements than asking questions. This doesn’t mean that you should go out of your way to make statements to avoid asking questions, you shouldn’t do that, or you might come up as mechanical. So, focus more on statements and ask them questions when necessary. Below are a few examples of general questions with their cold reads.

Question: Do you read books often?

Cold Read: I am getting a bookish vibe; you must be an avid reader.

Probable responses:

1.    No, I don’t read.

2.    No, I don’t read books. It must be my glasses; I knew it, they look nerdy.

3.    Yes, I love reading books! Do you read too?

Question: Do you live around here?

Cold Read: You seem to know this place very well; you must be a local.

Probable responses:

1.    No, I am not a local, but I like to visit this place frequently.

2.    Yes, is it that obvious?

 



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Comments

  1. I think that it should have been a bit more elaborate, cauze I was enjoying it.
    Its something which will help people like me who are really bad at starting conversations.
    Thanks a lot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I completely agree with you that the blog was short. Earlier I was going to add a lot of cold reads that I use but then I realised that it was not a good idea since a lot of people will try to mug up the cold reads and this will cause the loss of genuineness. My main aim here was to give a general idea and let people build their own style of cold reads on it. I am glad that you liked the content. And about being bad at starting conversations, you will surely get better overtime!!

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